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11 November 2011 @ 01:43 pm
So I mainly use this journal to join communities for music, stories or pictures. Things of interest mainly, my obsessions. I'm not much or a journalist, I write stories, but my shy nature and self esteem keep me from posting them. I'm head strong yet fear critique. I find that after high school that time flies so fast, I'm racing to catch up. I watch a lot of communities, I love TMI and Post Secret, random school girl crushes and old places.
18 May 2010 @ 07:06 pm
What is your age? Lets just say I'm under 21 and in the 11th grade

What are you going to do later? Sleep, school, church

What's upset you the most in the past week? Faggots, really

Spell your name without an L: Meha

When was the last time you were told you were cute? Hmm, on Sunday

Do you like your hair? Depends on its mood

Does anyone have feelings for you? I wouldn't know, except for one person, but its weird.

What were you doing at 11 this morning? English crap

What's on your wrist right now? Glow For Kids bracelet

Ever gotten yourself into a confusing situation? Yeah, daily lol

What do you miss most about your past? I was stronger

Are you wearing anything that doesn't belong to you? Sorta, its mine now though

Are you happy right now? In general, yeah, but I'm a little sick at the moment

Is there anyone that is jealous of you or anything that you have? I don't think so, but who knows

Did you sleep alone last night? Yep

Do you straighten your hair? Every now and then, my curls will piss me off so I'll take the good ole heat to em

Who are most of your texts from? Gramaw(I knowwwww), Cierra and Taylor

How do you feel about the person who texted you last? Shes my buddy

Can you live a day without TV? Yeah, I usually do, but I spend most of my time on the pc. LOSER

Has anyone laid on your bed besides you? Yeah friends, but getting hot and heavy? Naa

What was the last movie you watched and with who? The Crazies with Jon and Cierra

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell everything to? Yea, Nick

Would you consider yourself to be spoiled? By my gramaw, yes

Have you ever been called beautiful? Yes

What was the last thing you licked? My lips and finger O.O

Would you rather dye your hair or go tanning? Dye my hair.

Have you ever kissed anyone who's name started with a C, J or B: Nope

Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Unfortunately, one or two

Will this weekend be a good one? I hope so

Think of your first real best friend, are they still there for you? Nope

Have you ever snuggled with someone you weren't dating? Yeah

If you could go on ONE DATE with any celebrity, who would it be? HUGH LAURIE

Has anyone ever told you the way you drive scares them? Haha Cierra and my gramaw

Have you ever hit a parked car? Nope

If you just drank 15 beers, what would you be doing? Probably passed out

Ever been told "it's not you, it's me"? No

Which do you prefer: french toast, bagels, or cereal? Bagels

If you're extremely quiet, what does that mean? That I'm happy no one is here, but I gotta get some music on before I go insane!

Do you like being around a large group of friends, or a best friend? Just one or two friends as opposed to a huge group

Are you hard to please? Nope, I'm very black and white

Are you missing anyone/something? Possibly

What do you bite on more, your tongue, lip, or nails? Lip/inside of lip and cheeks a little

Did you have any unread text messages when you woke up today? Don't remember

What did you wear today? Jeans, t-shirt, flip flops. THAT IS ALL

Besides your mouth, where is your favorite spot to get kissed? Neck, below ear *tinglessss*

Were you happy when you woke up today? Felt sick, but happy to be here!

How about now? Better but still a little drained

Do you eat candy on a daily basis? Nope

Who was the last person you ate with? Hmm, Taylor and Heather

Are you currently taking a science class in school? UGHH, chemistry is going to be the death  of me

Kiss on the first date? Never actually dated, but kissed my last/only bf after like 2weeks. I know! I'm shy

Would you rather have chicken or steak? STEAK, make it bloody and rare

What were you doing at 10 am? P.E. Class

Are you different now than you were six months ago? Always

What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? Black Coffee this morning, on my white shirt. :/

How old will you be in 10 months? Older

Who was the last person to text you? taylor

What month is your birthday in? September

When was the last time you saw your dad? Hmm, couple months ago

Do you have to really know someone to kiss them? Yes, I'm shy and a shy virgin. So anything sensual, which I count that as, needs to be done with someone I know and care for. I'm such a chick, uhh

How long has it been since you last liked somebody? Just getting over a crush

Who was the last person to compliment you? A friend I think

Does anything rhyme with your last name? Maybe Boston, if it were Bolston

What is the 15th txt in your inbox? "Yes mam, can u?"

Is anything stuck in your head? Nah

What's all you did today? School, then drove my great grams to get her car inspected at some little southern auto shop and then home to sleep

Do you often use the term "slut"? I usually say whore

What's the worst abuse you have done to your phone? To this phone? Nothing really except a drop or two

Do you regret anything you've done in the past 24 hours? A beer lol

Did you talk to anybody random today? Yeah

What will you be doing in 24 hours? Here ready to sleep again lol

Do you have HDTV? In the living room on the plasma, but no other rooms have a plasma :X

Any big plans for the weekend? Hmm, shopping maybe, church and work, work work

Where did you get your favorite pair of sunglasses? American Eagle I think

What was the last thing you dressed up as for Halloween? Zombie

What is your current relationship status? Single. I really don't like dating, I have to know someone really well

Write a brief statement saying anything you want to an anonymous person? I wish we could work, and that you didn't care about the age difference!

How do you deal with drama? I have no part in it, just walk away

Are the best things in life free? Yeah, like a nice smile or genuine laugh

Are your parents proud of your recent behavior? Yes, I'm told alot

Would you ever have a threesome with your friend and their bf/gf? Ehh, NO

Why do you like the person you like? Really sweet

Do you know all the colors in the rainbow? ROY G BIB

Who would you really like to become better friends with? This guy names Spencer, and one named Austin

Have you ever written a poem? Yeah, I'm alright at it

What is the ideal name for your child? Haha, IF I have kids. I like : Leland, Llyod, Annabelle, and Jethroe. Yeah I know, they're gay 

Do you have a calendar in your room? Nope

Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? I hope so, but for not, I can't stop  D:

Do you personally know anybody who has more than five tattoos? Yeah, I don't like them thangs though!

Do you prefer Jamba Juice or Starbucks? Starbucks I guess, just give me something hot and black (LMAO) and I'll slurrrrp it

What is your fondest high school memory? Hmm, so far I'd go with gym class dominating

Do you have trouble believing in yourself? Very much so

Do you use the internet daily? Yes

Could you imagine your life without your best friend? Yeah, I don't see her so much anyways due to the fact that her bf(my other best friend) is a jerk. Oh, and shes prego

Who was the last person to make you cry? Loren

Do you like change? For the better

Do your boyfriends/girlfriends usually meet your parents? What Boyfriends do you speak of?

You need a new outfit, where do you go first? Mall lol, don't shop often enough to have a fav place
Current Location: Room
Current Music: Cowboy Junkies
28 March 2010 @ 01:37 pm
Talked to my History teacher from 8th grade. He is 39 now I think, and I'm 16. I used to be completely inlove with this man. Went before school to play chess with him, he was my part time coach in soccer back then and he would always talk to me about how I could do some much with my life. He was such in inspiration and he cared so much about me, I used to love having conversations about anything. He used to come to all my wrestling matches back then (I was the only girl on the team) and was very encouraging.

When on the last day of 8th grade I hugged him for so long. I can't believe he allowed me to or even talked to me like he did because at the begining of the year he stood in front of the class and says: "My name is Mr.S and I'm not going to be your friend so don't pat me on the back and ask me what I'm doing for the weekend". To make fun of him one time after chess I patted him on the back and asked him what he was going to do and he smiled then told me.

Well, I have seen him about 3 times since 8th grade and always ran to hug him. Friday my Gramaw came home and told me that Mr.S came into the resturant she works at and he asked her about me and how I was doing and told her to tell me to email him. She came home, knowing that I loved him and smiled and told me the news. I was so excited. I quickly emailed him and told him that I was glad to hear from him and that he was still me favorite teacher and asked how he was doing. I came home today after church and had a new email from him! Heres what it said:



It is good to hear from you.  Your Grandmother told me that you are doing rather well in school, that makes me very pleased.  You are a very bright girl and I wish you nothing but the best in the future.  Is high school giving you opportunities outside the academic world?  You need to take advantage of the clubs and organizations that are there at AHS.  This is suppose to be a time in your life to enjoy and prepare for the future, but the best is yet to come.  Enjoy each step in the journey of life!

Here at NAMS...life is rather busy.  I am teaching SEVENTH grade now and still coaching when I am needed.  I am now pursuing a master's degree and thus have a lot of my own homework to squeeze in.  There never seems to be enough time to read and study everything I would like to.  Do you feel the same?  Time seems different to teenagers than it does to "older" people.  (no smart comments)  I will close now and look forward to hearing good things about your life and WHERE you are going to college.  (hint)  Drop a message from time to time and keep me informed of your exceptional progress, or if you have a History question.  ;-)


Mr. Schrader


So I mailed quickly back telling him about school and life and everything. It was long and boring to you all, but I did jokingly call him old. So I'm now waiting around for tomorrow or sometime this week hopefully for his next message.

Current Location: My room
Current Mood: bouncybouncy
Current Music: Only you
12 March 2010 @ 11:12 am

This is the rough draft of a story I’m writing. I have no clue how it will turn out, I may change some names and details, but so far I like it. This is just something I’m doing in leisure time.

Here I sit, absent-mindedly staring around on the verge of throwing up I was so scared. Scared of what has happened, scared of what I had done, but most of all, scared of the police calling my parents. You see, I’m in the back of the police station, sitting in hand cuffs. Evidently the first time is the last time, that’s what they say, of course I’m in no condition to argue.

“Jeane! What on earth have you done now? What on earth!” My mom cries with edging tears.

I hold my head down, I know I’ve done wrong and nothing I do or say now is going to change the way she feels. My dad stands there staring, mouth set in a hard line not saying anything at all. Its frightens me the most.

You may not know this, but I used to be such a good girl. Straight A’s and B’s, most honors classes in high school, community help clubs and an all around star. But somewhere, somewhere I can actually pin point, things started to take a turn for the worst. At school I met some friends, I’d like to call them that at least. Those friends, the ones who left me behind to sit here and take the blame. I was sheltered, knew nothing of what else was out there besides my stupid grades and curfew. They brought me to parties, introduced me to alcohol and a few drugs. We started stealing, pick pocketing, breaking into stores, houses, taking what we needed and having all that we wanted. Somewhere along the line I got greedy. Somewhere along the line, I got caught.

Finally, after hours of tears and documents to sign, I come home. The cuffs are off and I’m a free man-woman. The documents, you ask? The ones that state my community service hours, my restricted curfew, and worst of all, my therapy. Yes, therapy, where all the loonies go, the psyched out kids stung out on heroin…and me. I argued my side, tried to convince them I wasn’t crazy but evidently a child such as I to undergo such a dramatic change within a short span of time is in fact, crazy. So tomorrow off I go, to lie on my back and talk about my problems, my oh so horrible life and everything that plain out makes me mad. Right.

My dad still hasn’t said a word, right about now I’ve got the feeling he’s not going to talk to me for a sometime again. I guess I’ll deal, he is stern, but her cares. It hurts but I’m not sure whats worse, my moms tears or his angry stares.

I let my head hit the pillow as I stared up into the darkness. The little wrinkles on the ceiling changing shades of gray as the fans shadow hits them. I let out a sigh because… Well, because I know whats instore for me, and I know I’ve done wrong. I’ve been sneaking around, my parents had no clue besides the little problems lately, this incident knocked ‘em for a loop and I don’t even know what to say. I feel guilty, not for stealing, but for the pain I’ve caused for the ones I care about. It sucks, it really does. The worst part is, I still have the urge, my affinity for darkness and trouble. I’m torn in two because I still want it, but I don’t want the pain. Hmm… I turn over on my stomach and grab my pillow, holding on to it for dear life. As I stare out into the wall, the darkness assumes control and I drift into a dreamless sleep.


The gray building cast a long shadow over me as I looked up. The elegant and soothing sign, right, (BLANKKKKK) Psychology, PhD. with the generous slogan, Bring your problems to Us!. I roll my eyes as my mom pushes me along. So, we walk into the well-lit lobby and turn to the nearest elevator. I try to hide my face as much as a I can and walk quickly in fear of seeing someone I know. We’re in. I look up at the long list of buttons, with the urge to press them all, but now is not the time.

“Seven,” It’s all my mom says.

Seven it is, I press it and up we go. As soon as the doors open I hear a chirpy little voice from some prissy office secretary sitting behind her huge desk. I can’t help but wonder why the smile on her face is so huge. Likewise my mom smiles back and goes up to the counter and immediately begins a conversation. I look around. Standard furniture, a few tables with magazines splayed out neatly upon them, green leafy flowers in huge pots in each corner, little lamps protruding from the walls, paisley wall paper with gold and beige through out it. The whole room is beige, I guess its supposed to be calming, I look back at the wall behind the secretary, its glass. Ironically I find that more soothing.

“Jean.. Jean, come here hun,” She turns around as if I didn’t hear her the first time.

I walk over to the large desk. “Yes?” And the prissy blonde named, I scanned for her tag, ahh, Jessica. She smiled again, so fake, and asked me about my name, birth, blah blah blah.

She handed my mom a clipboard with a few sheets of paper on it and a sparkly pen. My mom left to sit down and I stood there with my elbows propped up over the desk looking at her.

“Ok, Jeane,” Fake. “Your going to be seeing Dr.Liam Sebastian. He is our best and specializes in youth psychology. Is that Ok with you hun?” As if I had a choice.

“Yes, it’s fine,” I sigh.

“Ok, well you can go in for your first session while your mom over there is filling out the proper paper work, he’s waiting for you, Ok hun?” What’s with the ‘hun’s’?

“Ok,” I mumble and start walking to one of the two doors in the office, this one to my nearest left. Jessica grunts and when I turn around she smiles again and points to the other door. Right. I walk to the other door and contemplate shortly about knocking but decide not to. I open the door slightly and then proceed in.

The first think I notice is the slight smell of cigarettes and some expensive cologne, oddly it was kind of appealing. His office was alot different than the lobby, the walls were dark green with a light gold paisley design around the top half and a solid color of the same green on the bottom. The carpet was beige as the one before and the furniture looked expensive, made of dark chocolate wood and some fancy burgundy and gold upholstering. The bookshelf behind him was made of the same wood, crammed with books and binders. A small green leafy plant in the corner and the wall to the left, just as in the lobby was glass. He sat straight up in his chair, hands clasped  in front of him on the desk with a slight smile on his face. He stood hand out ready for a shake. I stepped closer and took hold of him.

“Ahh, you must be Jean Benua if I’m correct,” He smiled and I nodded. “I’m Dr. Sebastian, but you can call me Liam if you prefer, please,” He motioned to one of the chairs in front of his desk. “Have a seat,”. I did as he asked and perched on the end of the seat.

“So,” He began, sitting down and leaning back in his chair.
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: The rive waltz by Cowboy Junkies
15 January 2010 @ 05:27 pm
I talk to Nick tonight, I've been waiting two weeks and usually it goes by pretty fast, but the last time we talked forever, from 10pm till 9am. I never wanted it to end, and I've been literally watching the clock all day for the time that we actually talk. I hate being so anxious, but whatever. I've had a few beers(which he hates, but who cares) and I'll be able to talk all I want. Its liquid courage and just the right amount to say what I need to. I feel like I need to make him understand how I feel, which I've told him before. But there's something about 12hrs away and 22yrs apart that makes him skeptic and powerful. I just don't like it but what can I do? Nothin I suppose, this southern girl is gonna have fun and show it off lol.

Besides that, I've been havin fun playing Agatha Christie: Death on the Nile, a pc game. Anyone who likes historical mystery games should check it/them out.

Ok, gonna wait another hour and a half dying of the thought of waiting.
08 January 2010 @ 05:42 pm
So, besides me failing Algebra 2, the weeks went pretty slow. Christmas break spoiled me lol. And all the alcohol in between. New Years was good too, met new people, which I love to do and had a great time. Didn't even have a hangover! And The experiments with my hair are turning out better, I love the vintage style and I guess I'll have to keep trying till I get it just right.

Besides that, I haven't talked to Nick in a week now. I hate that we live so far apart, I can't wait to meet him, whenever that may be(a while :( ). I hate his rules and sometimes him for how it makes me feel. But, who said liking someone sooooo religious was going to be fun? Ehh, I admire him though, he's devoted his whole 38 years to it, and has never had time for anything besides work and family. I feel kind of special to be that first one to make heads way.

Me being young and naive, or whatever can suck sometimes too. But for the most part I'm not trying to rush anything. Just got my license and another year of school and I'm done. Its kinda scary actually, I do sometimes wish I was still a kid, but its weird, when ever I start to think about the past and being a kid, it makes me feel even older and like somethings lost for good. Such a bitter sweet thing, growing up.

Think I'm gonna go hang out with some gay friends, gay guys are so funny and great company usually lol. Boredom strikes again, but gotta go pick up my sis from the dance. Oh joy
Current Mood: boredbored
Current Music: Kenny Chesney- Tin Man
02 January 2010 @ 03:38 pm
Well I tried a hair up-do thingy in this vid www.youtube.com/watch and I think I did an alright job.

More PicsCollapse )
Current Mood: :)
Current Music: Garth Brooks- That summer
02 January 2010 @ 11:36 am
Just woke up again. Well actually just got up from a nap beacuse I literally stayed up all night talking on the phone. About 11:30 to 9am. Got to talk to Nick by accident because he left his phone on and I had drank a few coke and rum's. Sometimes I just can't stand waiting two weeks to talk to him, his rules according to his preist about our relationship, how that will help us not be so obsessive or close. It's amazing how someone you've never actually met, and lives 12hrs away, can make you feel like your the most important thing in the world. I wouldn't trade him or his over zealous religious ways for anyone, and I feel like its a privilege to know him. We're best friends first, above it all. He had to work on a project for one of his classes he teaches, and wanted to be asleep by 1, I love how I can push him and somehow defy or negate everything he does. I just feel really good to know someone like Nick, even if I never will meet him.
Current Mood: gratefulgrateful
Current Music: Brad Paisley- Then
01 January 2010 @ 01:37 pm
New Years 2010! It was awesome! Went to Gboro to celebrate at my very gay friend Mat's friends house lol. There were about 8 of us in all and I really had fun, I love getting to meet new people. And since the apartment we were at was owned by to really nice lesbians, and the other couple there lived up stairs, and Mat's boyfriend was in Mass. It left me and Austin to be the only single ones. It was funny and I had to sneak a beer or 6 so Austin didn't see me and get pissed. Oh well, I had fun and trying not to look drunk is sooo hard lol. We played drunken Wii and some card game called Whats Yours Like? Omg, the sexual comments on that were crazy. Got home about 4, Austin had to drive home, Mat was wasted! And slept to about 3pm today lol. Gonna go hang with them later, but had to get this out of my system. I could actually go for a beer now, I'm not used to champagne, wine and liquor, but its not so bad :P
Current Location: My room
Current Mood: :)
Current Music: Dierks Bentley- Trying to stop your leaving
30 December 2009 @ 12:04 pm
I woke up late this morning and went to go make some coffee as usual. My 6yr old sister was jumping around to the tv and I just waited for the coffee to finish brewing a cup. I put the coffee in my special cup and then started to add creamer. I was standing by the sink adding a little cold water to it. Mind you, I just woke up and had that sexy messy hair lol, and was wearing fuzzy slippers, only panties and a big t-shirt that I cut around the top so it would fall off my shoulders. Well I was just mixing the coffee when I heard the door open and looked out onto the porch through the big kitchen window, and the mail man was standing there staring! I squeaked and ran into the hall way. Nice way to start off the day lol
Current Mood: anxiousanxious
Current Music: George Strait- Fireman